staze.net

Shift This!

Hah! I suckered you into reading this post with an edgy and irreverent title. Granted I can't hold a candle to some, but those be the breaks.

Today I'm all about paradigm shift. In fact, after hearing "paradigm" casually word dropped in a meeting today, my eyes rolled back into their sockets and I slipped into a mild grade convulsion. For a moment I fell into a trance and it wasn't until the trigger word "monetize" was uttered that I snapped out of it and fully realized the epiphany that I just had. It goes something like this.

For those with a life you may be unaware of this thing called the Geek Code and it works something like this. For the various dimensions of a geek's existence, you self rate your capability or experience; for example in the category of Linux one could range from L+++++ ("I am Linus") to L--- ("I am Bill Gates").

I now introduce the addition of 'paradigm' to this coding system. To avoid confusion, the letter assignment is lower case 'p' since upper case 'P' is already claimed by Perl.

• p+++++ I am Thomas Kuhn.
• p++++ I am familiar with the incommensurability thesis.
• p+++ I read The Structure of Scientific Revolutions and understand the underlying concept.
• p++ I have the Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show episode of The Simpsons recorded on VHS from the original broadcast.
• p+ I was a pre-bubble consultant and really hate myself for it.
• p I have a sense of humor.
• p- I have an MBA.
• p-- The proper English suffix is '-r', not '-er'. isolatr is not funny and/or I don't get the joke.
• p---  I think microformat badges should always have rounded corners.
• p---- I am Don Tapscott.
• p----- I am Karl Popper.

Ok, now here's the real innovation. You're not allowed to utter "paradigm" or "paradigm shift" unless you rate a 'p' or higher. That's a proactive stance I can ideate against.

Did you know that each integer in a C array takes 4 bytes of storage?

A web application is like some creature that is jostled, prodded and wishfully coerced into functional existence. Then one day it metamorphoses into some self-propelled gelatinous goo that slowly crawls out of a petri dish and into the tenuous world of production where one can only hope no unfortunate events occur. No wonder with all this talk about slime and protoplasm us developers never really want to get our hands dirty; in fact, I always try to code while wearing a biohazard suit. In a pinch I may resort to latex gloves, but only after being properly caffeinated and caught up on the latest reddit stories.

Every once in a while - it's human instinct after all - one needs to peek under the hood and see what's going on, no matter how squeamish you are. This is despite all of your training that such deep knowledge can be outright dangerous. Just click the "Next" button on the "auto code generator wizard" and be done. But you really want to know - has the goo changed colors? Will it cleanup with a wet spill kit? What makes this self-aware goo really tick? (How do you dispense the Turing Test to validate its self-aware state??)

And then it hits you. Somewhere in your code you have this array, say 1000 integers. Lots of other crazy stuff is going on, but then the near imponderable pops into your head: how much memory does this array use? Oddly I thought the same thing too (at the midnight hour nonetheless) and after to searching around online I found that an integer is commonly a 32-bit value which translates to 4 bytes (if you want the gory details it's 32 bits/8 bits per byte = 4 bytes).

Although most of what is on the Internet is true, I'm still a bit cautious and after responding to a compelling email from a gentleman in Nigeria I decided to write some code to test this theory:

#include <stdio.h>

int
main (int argc, char **argv)
{
  int num = 1000;
  int int_array[num];
  int i;

  for (i = 0; i < num; i++)
  {
    int_array[i] = i;
  }

  printf("Space used by int_array: %d\n", sizeof(int_array));

}

And here is a sample run:

staze-imac:~ staze$ gcc --version
i686-apple-darwin9-gcc-4.0.1 (GCC) 4.0.1 (Apple Inc. build 5465)
Copyright (C) 2005 Free Software Foundation, Inc.
This is free software; see the source for copying conditions.  There is NO
warranty; not even for MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE.

staze-imac:~ staze$ ./memtest
Space used by int_array: 4000

Now isn't that something. Stand back - let's work out the arithmetic: 4000 bytes / 1000 integers = 4 bytes per integer.

I guess you learn something everyday. Perhaps more on some days as compared to others. That reminds me - I need to print out a bunch of Anti-Pattern Checklists for a design review meeting later today.

Drunken Cylon Attack

Flying Southwest out of SJC on a Friday evening is a mild test of patience and last night was no exception. Eventually, after more delays and gate changes than I've had mission statement badges in the last 12 months, time for the cattle call.

Mooooooo.

Seasoned Southwest travelers know the drill - try to get an early boarding number, pick a window or aisle seat and then somehow look menacing and/or avoid eye contact to keep the middle seat empty. It doesn't always work, but on many flights success is achieved.

Then the intercom crackles with words that send a chill up the spine of those seasoned travelers: "This aircraft has 137 seats and we have 137 passengers, " followed by banter about no bin space, checking bags, etc. This means there is zero possibility of an empty middle seat.

My fate is sealed and the middle seat gets occupied by a near-doppelgänger of Katee Sackhoff. Given the alternative of a retired NFL linebacker wedging in the seat so that my face is pressed up tight against the window, I'm ok with this.

"I've had five glasses of wine tonight." Dressed in a suit, she's probably trying to cope with a day full of strategy meetings and proceeds to order another on the plane.

My headphones come out and all is good in the world.

Mid-flight, a copy of OK! magazine waves in my face. Time to pop out an ear bud and see what's up.

"Here, you should read this!"

Pause. "I don't think I could bring myself to that."

Now, opening the magazine to a celebrity photo spread. "Katie Holmes should run for president. She'd be really good at it."

I'm at a loss for words, but not for long. "Certainly she could do a better job than our current one."

This is followed by more drunken babbling with the person in the aisle seat about being a nervous flyer. I hear some broken conversation about all of us in the plane being aliens - Mr. Aisle trying to be gracious asks why we're not all green...

Finally time to land. Home sweet home is mere minutes away. Flaps are lowered and the landing gear extend.

A loud shout. "Jesus Christ, we're all going to die!!!"

I suppose it was inevitable at this point. It's just one of those things you never expect to hear on an airplane (unless you're surrounded by Cylons).

Anti-Pattern Checklist

In a rare cynical moment back in 2005 I put together a one page Anti-Pattern Checklist. I like to think of it as an educational tool; others may see it as tongue-in-cheek humor or even appropriate for actual use during design and/or planning meetings. The interactive scoring feature of this checklist gives the instant quantitative feedback that is sorely missing in the touchy-feely subjective world of software development.

Even agile practitioners can make use of this checklist as a supplement to computing their project velocity. Personally, I think it is more fun that planning poker, but that's just me. A preview for your enjoyment:

As a component of continuous process improvement, every agile organization requires synergies between constituent stakeholders in order to deliver on vision, on time and on budget. Of course, we all know that such flights of fancy, are, well, just that. But not to be deterred, the general apathy of groupthink, coupled with inspiration from ``thought leaders'' on both the business and technology fronts leads to rapid adoption of well-known, industry standard anti-patterns. The first step in converging on a set of anti-pattern best practices is to print out multiple copies of this checklist and bring to each meeting attended throughout the day. Take note of each anti-pattern observed. Scoring is discussed below.

[checkboxes for 50 anti-patterns here]

Each checkbox marked counts as one point, except for Reinventing the Square Wheel, which most experts agree is worth at least two points. Leading anti-pattern practitioners can easily score twenty points or higher in a single sitting. Organizations that score between ten and fifteen points require further improvement; less than ten points requires immediate management intervention. Ask and ask often: ``What anti-pattern are you using today?''

Download anti-patterns.pdf